Dear Engaged Couple:
“…the two shall become as one.” It is with great joy that we welcome you to St. Kilian parish as you begin your final preparation for the sacrament of marriage. You have fallen in love, and want to make a lifetime commitment to each other before God and the people of God, the Catholic Church. Marriage preparation is the time to examine your friendship objectively; and become aware of the strengths you have as a couple, and also areas of possible conflict. This preparation, including FOCCUS and Pre--Cana, will offer many benefits to you. Important topics that affect your life together will be discussed and examined.
The FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) instrument that you have taken, or soon will, is not a test to predict success or failure in marriage. It is a tool to help you name and work through issues before entering into the sacrament. It is a means to identify issues that need to be discussed before marriage. The instrument will provide feedback to you on where your partner stands in regard to areas important to marriage. FOCCUS was developed by three marriage and family counselors. It has proven to be a reliable instrument.

The six Pre-Cana sessions will be conducted by married couples, trained by the Catholic Church to facilitate small-group discussion with the engaged. Important topics like communication, finances, families of origin, religion and belief, children and parenting, extended family issues, problem-solving and more will be discussed. We are sure that you will find your love for each other and your appreciation of each other, growing stronger as you participate.

If your schedule does not allow you to participate in our excellent Parish Pre-Cana, the priest or deacon making your arrangements will offer other Marriage Preparation options.
We join you in looking forward with great joy to your wedding day, and ask God’s blessings for you during the time of preparation for that day, and in the many years of marriage that follow.
Sincerely in Christ,

The  Priests, Deacons and Pre-Cana Ministry of St. Kilian Church

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful.”(1 Cor. 13)
I  - Wedding Date and Time:                                                          
II  - Rehearsal Date and Time:
*Checklist for Documents and Requirements:
(      )   1- A newly issued Baptismal Certificate - must be issued within the last 6 months. Not a photocopy.
(      )   2- A Certificate of Completion of Pre-Cana.
(      )   3- A Civil Marriage License issued by the State of New York (any Town Hall). The license, when     issued, is valid for 60 days.
(      )   4- completion of FOCCUS instrument – www.drvc-faith.org/marriage-ministry/
 
1. Before your participation in Pre-Cana, you will complete the FOCCUS self-assessment tool in order to learn more about your love and friendship. The Parish-based Pre--Cana program consists of six-weeks, one night a week, in the Parish Center and the homes of married couples from our parish trained by our diocese. Alternate Pre-Cana programs may better suit your schedule. The Priest or Deacon will discuss this with you.

2 . Please be sure that you have the  email address for the priest or deacon arranging your wedding and contact him for all questions and arrangements. Notify us immediately if there is a change in your wedding plans. (516-249-0127)

3. As the day of your wedding draws closer, please contact your clergyman at least 2 months prior to your wedding date. At this time bring in your Baptismal Certificates, Certificate of Attendance at Pre-Cana, and any other documents that the Priest or Deacon informs you are needed.

4. Complete the “Together for Life” booklet that you received at Pre-Cana, choosing prayers, readings, vows, etc. You may discuss this with your clergyman at your meeting 2 months prior to your wedding date.

5. Two months before your wedding, contact the Director of Music, Mr. Paul Phinney - www.paulp@stkilian.com . 516-623-0877. Be prepared to discuss your preferences for church wedding music: processional, responsorial psalm, offertory song, Communion song, and recessional. All music needs to be appropriate for Catholic worship – Scripture based, prayerful and uplifting. Popular music, with no basis in the Bible, is not permitted. Visiting musicians are permitted. Contact Mr. Phinney. He is an employee of the parish. His offering of $125 needs to be paid to him whether there are visiting musicians or not.

6. The Priest or Deacon who interviews you for your wedding, will make every effort to preside on your special day. However, personal commitments and other parish responsibilities may not allow for this. A Priest or Deacon who is a relative or friend is welcome to preside at your wedding – with permission from our pastor.

7. Your wedding must begin on time. Please be thoughtful and considerate. It is very likely that another wedding is scheduled to follow yours.

8. The Sacrament of Reconciliation celebrates the forgiving love of God. You are beginning a new life together. It is appropriate to experience that new beginning through the forgiveness of our sins. Please come to this healing sacrament celebrated every Saturday from 4 PM to 4:45 PM; or by appointment through the rectory.

9. The Wedding Rehearsal: Please bring your marriage license, the church offering, and your choice of wedding texts prepared through the ‘Together for Life’ Wedding booklet.

10. The Church Offering: The minimal offering for St. Kilian parishioners is $550. You may wish to donate more to the Lord on your special day. Please make checks (tax deductible) payable to St. Kilian church. If you are not parishioners, the offering is $750. The fee for the organist/singer is $125 each.

11. Because of insurance rules pertaining to the risk of eye injury and accidents, the throwing of rice, birdseed, flower petals confetti, etc. is forbidden.

We will be praying for you personally and at Mass as you journey to your wedding day and in the years to come. We are always available to you for counsel and support.

“God the Eternal Father keep you in love with each other, so that the peace of Christ may stay with you and be always in your home.

May your children one day bless you, your friends console you, and all people live in peace with you.
May you always bear witness to the love of God in this world, so that the afflicted and the needy will find in you generous friends, and welcome you into the joys of heaven.

And may Almighty God bless you, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
“For what God has joined together, no one can separate.”


Guidelines for Photographs and Videos
In order to maintain the sacredness of your marriage ceremony or nuptial mass, please follow these guidelines for your photographer and videographer. For the time of your wedding, they are employed by you, and under your direction and supervision.

Practical Considerations:
 

1. The photographer and videographer must consult with the priest or deacon who will be celebrating your wedding at least 20 minutes before the start.
2. Within the church, no photographer or videographer shall approach the altar area closer than the 3^rd row in any aisle. This includes the left and right sections of the church. The area behind the altar (Blessed Sacrament chapel) is closed, and may not be used for any photo or video activity.
3. The photographer/videographer is to be as inconspicuous as possible during the mass or ceremony. The bride and groom and the proclamation of their wedding vows, (along with the presider and witnesses), are the center of attention.
4. The photographer/videographer is never permitted to enter the sanctuary of the church or to ascend the altar steps at any time.
5. Once the ceremony has begun there may be no further use of flash or lights.
6. The use of the church for pictures after the mass or ceremony is permitted only with the express permission of the priest or deacon who is officiating.

 
 
As you prepare for your wedding day, you need to make these guidelines known to the photographer or videographer that you have employed. Following them will ensure that your mass or ceremony will be prayerful; and expressive of the beauty, joy, and sacredness of your wedding day.
 
 
Peace,
 
The Priests and Deacons of St. Kilian